


Our Blue Hour

by wayfarer23



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Christmas, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-02-13 05:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12977259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayfarer23/pseuds/wayfarer23
Summary: A nasty fall from the roof and a mild case of confabulation might be exactly what Hanna and Spencer needed to realize the true nature of their feelings for each other, and finally even act on them.                                                                                                                                 Short story set during Christmastime. Fluff ensues.





	1. Freefall

**_“I was falling. Falling through time and space and stars and sky and everything in between. I fell for days and weeks and what felt like lifetime across lifetimes. I fell until I forgot I was falling.”  
― Jess Rothenberg_ **

…

“Hey, sleeping beauty. The doctor says I’m supposed to talk to you, though I don’t know why” Spencer whispered as she hooked a leg of the rather uncomfortable visitor’s chair with her foot and pulled it closer to the bed. “What they expect me to do, exactly? Talk you out of a freaking coma? Like that’s an easy thing to do. You’d never, ever, listen to me anyway, you stubborn girl” she chuckled humorlessly as she lowered herself to a sitting position and looked down at her unconscious friend.

She let out a deep sigh and twined her fingers with Hanna’s, studying the way they seem to fit perfectly together. She took another deep, shaky breath and lifted the blonde girl’s hand to her mouth so she could press a soft kiss to the brunette’s knuckles.                      

“Please wake up, Hanna” she murmured, as she set their hands back down on top of the thin hospital blanket. “You gotta wake up for me, sweetie. For all of us. I-we need you. Please, wake up and let me see those big beautiful eyes of yours” Spencer implored, her own eyes filling with tears as she tenderly stroked the smaller girl’s cheek with the pad of her other hand’s thumb.                                                                                                                                          

A light tap on the door startled her, and she brought her arm to her face and wiped all traces of wetness from her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. Spencer Hastings hated crying, even more so doing it in public.                                                                                                                                                    

“Can I come in?” Ashley Marin asked quietly, standing at the threshold.                                                 

“Of course” the tall brunette replied, motioning for the older woman to come inside and take her seat, which she gratefully accepted.                                                                                                                                                                 

“Anything yet?”                                                                                                                                               

“Nothing” Spencer shook her head sadly. “I did as you asked. Tried talking to her, but…”                                                 

“She’ll come around soon” Mrs. Marin smiled kindly at her daughter’s best friend. “You know Hanna: she’s just enjoying her beauty sleep; having everyone doting on her. Probably thinking you’ll do all her holiday homework this way”                                                                                                       

“Plausible” Spencer chuckled. “I’d do it until we graduate if she’d just wake up…”                                  

“I know sweetie” Ashley smiled sympathetically at the youngster. She knew how close all the five girls were, and how much they loved and cared for each other. Especially Spencer, who had always struck her for the most level-headed and protective one of the group. A sort of big sister for the others.                                                    

Although, if she was honest with herself, the redhead had to admit that the way Hanna and Spencer gazed at each other most of the times had nothing to do with a sisterly kind of relationship. At all. For all accounts, they looked and behaved just like an old married couple. Particularly when they bickered – which occurred way more often than she cared to admit.                                              

She couldn’t be too sure about Spencer’s feelings, of course, but she was well aware of where her daughter’s heart laid. Perhaps even more than Hanna herself. She was a mother, after all, and mothers always know best.

 _‘I guess time will tell…’_ With a fond shake of her head at the thought, Ashley turned to peek at the lanky brunette that stood beside her and was trying awkwardly to stifle a yawn.                                                                                      

The poor thing looked so tired and completely worn out. She and her friends had been in the hospital since the day before, when they brought Hanna in, taking turns to look after her.                                                                

Emily eventually had to leave in the early hours of the morning – her dad had finally come home for the holidays after his last mission overseas, and it was only fair for her to be there to greet him. Alison was her ride, so she also left to drop her girlfriend home; the only ones left were Aria – who was currently curled up on a chair outside in the waiting room, fast asleep – and Spencer. Both of them refused, in fact, to leave their friend’s side. It was not like they had much to do or were expected to be anywhere else anyway.

“Spencer, honey, why don’t you and Aria go home and take some rest? I swear I’ll call you the moment I have any update” Ashely asked mildly concerned.   

“Oh no, it’s okay” the brunette replied, a little embarrassed for having being caught in a moment of weakness by the older woman. “I guess I’m in need of a coffee, though. Want me to bring you back something, Mrs. Marin?”                                                                                                                                                                         

“I’m fine, thank you dear” Ashley smiled warmly and watched Spencer gave her a brief nod and leave the small room.                                                                                                                                                

“You know,” the redhead sighed, glancing back down at her oblivious daughter and taking her hand in her own, “I wouldn’t mind if you and her ended up together. Maybe that’s what you’re scared about; the reason you haven’t woken up yet… But you have to know that you don’t have anything to worry about. As long as you’re happy and healthy, I’m happy too. So hurry up and come back to us, baby.”                                                                                                                                                       

**[The day before]**

Spencer glared down at the pile of Christmas lights and the boxes full of dust and decorations, wishing with every fiber of her being to set them on fire by the sheer force of her will and get away with it.

How on earth did they manage to cajole her into this, she didn’t know. One moment she was sitting on her couch, all bundled up in her favorite plaid and sipping her hot tea, and then, next thing she knew, her two very annoyed best friends, along with an overly excited Emily and the ever stoic silhouette of her mother, the one and only Veronica Hastings, appeared before her eyes. That was when she knew troubles had found her.                                                    

Apparently the Hastings decided to throw a private dinner this year, and to everyone’s utter surprise, they passed up the opportunity of booking the Country Club – where they usually held every important event or social gathering - and announced instead that they were going to host their annual Christmas party at their mansion. Now, that explained why four innocent, unsuspecting teenagers were so brutally robbed of their well-deserved lazy Saturday and Spencer of the peace of mind.                                                                                                                                                  

The younger Hastings’ frown deepened considerably as she watched appalled Emily bossing and ordering everyone around like a seasoned Lieutenant Colonel – Veronica very much impressed by the athletic brunette’s attitude and sense of décor.                                                                                          

“I can’t believe this” Spencer groaned loudly at the sight of a clearly struggling Aria carrying around a reindeer bigger than herself, and too much heavy for her slim tiny arms. She was doing everything and anything Emily and her mother commanded, hoping beyond hope to please the powerful duo. And Spencer felt sorry for her.                       

“Poor thing” Hanna appeared beside her and commented with a slight wince.                                  

“This is not the sweet ol’ Emily Fields we all know and love” Spencer murmured incredulously. “What happened to her?”                                                                                                    

“Did you read her boobs?” the blonde asked in all seriousness, as if she’d just asked the world’s dumbest question and the answer was right in front of her eyes. It probably was the case, because soon after she pointed at the print on Emily’s shirt. “The girl loves Christmas” was all Hanna had to offer.

“Well, that explains everything then” Spencer snorted. “But things are gettin’ out of hand here. Aria’s two minutes away from a heart attack and I’m pretty sure Ali is seriously considering to get away from Rosewood again. For good this time”

Hanna decided to ignore Spencer’s crude – yet accurate – observation, dismissing it with a fond and mildly amused roll of her eyes.

“There’s something sadistic in the way they’re making her stroll around with that thing” the blonde observed.                                            

“Yeah… I’m pretty sure they call it ‘slavery’. Or ‘exploitation of child labour’” Spencer remarked, then frowned. “I wasn’t trying to imply anything. That had nothing to do with Aria’s height… or lack of thereof”            

“Sure you weren’t” Hanna giggled.                                                                                                                  

“Nice word by the way” the brunette smirked, patting the blonde’s shoulder. “I knew you’d put to good use the ‘Word of the Day’ calendar I gave you last year” she stated rather proudly.                                      

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Hanna replied trying to look totally unfazed by the praise, but her flushed cheeks gave her away. “Oh and while we’re at it, this time around try to make an effort with my present, would you?”            

“Why of course! Since you’ve improved your vocabulary, I think I’ll get you something to help you with math. Or science. I’m still pondering it” Spencer teased, tapping her index finger on her chin.                                                                                                      

“Don’t you dare” Hanna mock-glared. “Besides I’ve already got you for that, my dear personal nerd” she winked mischievously and turned away, leaving a puzzled brunette behind.

“Right…” Spencer sighed, then moved back to her share of boxes, resigned to her fate and ready to deal with it.                                                                                                                                                            

“Here I go” she mumbled to herself as she picked up a string of lights and climbed the ladder to hang them on the eaves and roof lines of her house. _‘Better me than let Hanna near anything electrical’_ , she thought.                                                                                                                                           

She had been working steadily for a good hour when she heard someone calling her name. Not just anybody, but Emily. Thinking that her friend had some other tasks for her to complete – and shuddering at the mere thought – she decided that feign ignorance and hide on the roof for a bit longer was the best course of action, so she tried her hardest to look busy.

“SPENCE” Emily called out again.                                                                                                                                                         

“BUSY!” the brunette shot back immediately, not even bothering to sit up from her lying position on the roof.                                                                                                    

So yeah, her hardest impression of a busy person looked a lot like taking a nap in Spencer’s book, apparently.

“Mmm, I can see that” Hanna grinned, suddenly appearing at the top of the ladder with a glass of eggnog in her hand. “Here, enjoy"                                                                                                               

Spencer arched an eyebrow questioningly but all she received in response was a light shrug from the blonde, who went to sit down beside her friend for a well-earned break.                                                                                                                                                            

“Thanks” said the brunette, accepting the offered drink.                                                                             

They sat in companionable silence for a while – Hanna secretly watching Spencer from the corner of her eyes, biting down on her lower lip nervously. It happened a lot recently, her feeling uneasy around the taller girl; ever since the blonde started to notice that her feeling for her best friend ran a little deeper than she had always assumed. It was both frustrating and exhilarating, especially at times when she would catch Spencer look at her or touch her in a different, slightly intimate way. Those were the times when Hanna was almost sure that something was really there; but then again, anything substantial never really happened and maybe it was all in the blonde’s head – or so she thought.                                                                                                                                       

“Alright, I’d better get going…” Hanna abruptly stood up; “We had a bit of a situation going on with the Nativity scene earlier"                                                                                                                              

“’kay” Spencer mumbled dismissively, her eyes still closed against the faint light of the afternoon sun. The blonde sighed.                                                                                                                                                                                

“Don’t push yourself too hard, will you?”                                                                                                

Spencer snorted, “Gotcha”                                                                                                                            

With a last affectionate glance, Hanna started to walk over to the edge of the roof. Somehow, her foot got caught between the strings of the lights and her legs flew up in the air as she started sliding down the roof. She tried to take a hold of the ladder, unsuccessfully.                                

“Shiiit”                                                                                                                                                                

Spencer was on her feet the moment the expletive left the blonde’s mouth in a loud squeal, but it was already too late. She watched in horror and despair her friend flying down on the ground. She jumped on the ladder and all but ran down, rushing to Hanna’s side in a frantic run and landing on her knees.             

“Hanna!” she yelled, carefully shaking her motionless form. “Hanna! C’mon sweetie, snap out of it”

Aria was the first one to notice, and shouted out to the others while running to the pair’s aid. She found Spencer desperately searching for a pulse – which, albeit weak and feeble, she found.                                     

“Call the 911” the taller brunette instructed. “Now Aria”                                                                             

The smaller brunette nodded numbly, her phone already pressed against her ear waiting for a response on the other line of the device. She stared down helplessly at one of her best friends lying unconscious on the ground; the other doing her absolute best to make sure that Hanna was still breathing and alive when the EMTs would finally decide to show up, whilst trying with everything in her to not break down and loose it.                                                                                

“They’re on their way”

“Hang in there, Hanna” Spencer said between labored breaths, her voice low and thick. “You just have to hang in there, baby."                                                                                                                                                                

**[Present time – Rosewood Community Hospital]**

_All around her was darkness._

_She was cold and shivering; somehow her clothes had disappeared, leaving her in only a thin tank top and underwear. Even her shoes went missing and the rough texture of the floor scraped painfully against her bare feet, leaving small scratches on her skin._

_She had no idea what happened or where she was being kept – it looked like a basement but she couldn’t be too sure about that. And what was she doing down there and in such conditions anyway? Had –A kidnapped her?_

_No, that couldn’t be the case. -A – no, Mona – was defeated; they unmasked her months ago. The game was over. So then, what the hell happened to her?_

_…_

“Is she going to be okay?” Ashley Marin asked, as she watched a doctor lean in closer to have a good look at Hanna’s wound. 

“Hard to tell. Depends on if there’s any intracranial bleeding” he told her honestly. “I’ve tended to people with skulls literally broken open and did just fine, so I’m optimistic,” he replied as he began cleaning the area around the cut. 

Her mother stayed by her head as he continued to take care of Hanna, feeling tears build in her eyes as he checked off some of the blonde’s potential injuries. Part of her was glad that he was including her, but a larger part of her wished that he’d just shut up. The details were scary.

“Grade three concussion” he rattled on, “looks like a possible break on the occipital bone, from what I can tell that’s the area that suffered most from the impact”

“Oh god,” The redhead woman murmured as she followed Dr. Tisdale’s pointing finger toward Hanna’s skull.

“Frontal bone looks intact” he continued as if she had not spoken. “Breathing is even… heartbeat is regular… all things considered she’s doing as well as could be expected.”

…                                                                                                                                                                         

_She tried and tried again to find an exit, a clue, anything that would help her to get out but it was all in vain. She screamed for what felt like hours, days, but nobody ever came to her rescue. She was trapped and alone, only God knew where or why. Why her? Where were the others? Would someone even notice that she was gone? Were her friends, her mom, searching for her? Did someone even miss her?_

_She was so tired. Hungry, cold and tired. Thirsty too. And her head hurt like hell. Sleep was claiming her and she easily gave up and complied._

_…_

“She should be fine” Dr. Tisdale assured them all as he busied himself with the patient’s charts.

“She better be” Spencer husked as she looked down at their joined hands and began to gently rub the pad of her thumb over Hanna’s knuckles.

“Mmmm” Hanna’s soft voice punctuated the quiet that had fallen over the hospital room.  

“What’s that?” Emily yelped as she looked from Hanna, whose eyes were still closed, to the doctor who had pulled out his penlight and was checking the blonde’s pupil dilation.

“Active REM” he reported as he watched darkened blue eyes flicking wildly from side to side. “She’s dreaming”

“Dreaming?” Aria repeated.

The doctor shrugged. “It’s not uncommon, and it’s actually a good sign”

Spencer turned her attention back to her hand wrapped protectively around the unconscious girl’s. “What are you dreaming about, Han?”

…

_“Hanna” a familiar voice husked into her ear. She knew that voice; she loved that voice._

_The more she started to regain her senses, the more she became aware of the changes in her body: she wasn’t cold anymore. And her head no longer rested on the hard surface of the pavement, but onto something softer, something incredibly cozy._

_“You’ve got this, Hanna. You’re gonna be okay” the voice assured her._

_Long, slender fingers tangled in her hair massaged her scalp smoothly, and Hanna purred in pure  contentment and bliss. She slowly opened her eyes and immediately found a pair of soulful, bottomless chocolate brown eyes staring right back at her._

_“Spencer” Hanna cried out in relief, the mere presence of the brunette all of a sudden made her forget about anything else and grounded her. She was in Spencer’s arms, she realized, and as she nuzzled against her, she felt safe. Somehow Spencer had always had a way of making everything seem like it would be okay._

_“Where are we? What happened?” Hanna began to bombard her with questions. “How did you get here? Oh no!” She gasped, and her features morphed from elation to understanding; “This is a dream, right? You’re not really here…” she murmured dejectedly._

_“Something real is actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact”_

_“I don't know what you're saying, but I'm glad that you're here” Hanna said as she scooted further into Spencer’s embrace._

_“A dream is an experience and an experience is real” the brunette rasped. She brought her hand down to the back of Hanna’s neck and then up again, turning to cup her cheek._

_Her breath itched and her eyes closed in anticipation when she felt Spencer leaning in closer and capture her lips in a slow, gentle kiss._

_“Wow” the blonde breathed out in awe when they parted._

_Spencer chuckled. “Sleep now. You’re gonna need your strength for tomorrow if you wanna get out of here”_

_“There’s no way out” Hanna frowned. “I checked”_

_“Of course there is. If there’s a way in, there’s a way out. And you’ll find it” her brunette friend stated confidently._

_Hanna exhaled noisily. “Will you stay with me?”_

_“Always” Spencer promised._

…

“The scans were clean. Fortunately the patient didn’t report any fracture, just some severe bruises that don’t concern us though” Doctor Tisdale reported to Ashley Marin who stood silently beside Hanna’s bed along with her daughter’s friends. “Her parameters all look good”

The redhead took a deep breath and asked the one question that was weighing heaviest on her mind. “Why isn’t she waking up?”

“She has a serious concussion” Doctor Tisdale replied. “The swelling of her brain on her MRIs seems within safe limits though so I’m not too terribly concerned about that. As with any brain injury though, we won’t know exactly what’s going on until she wakes up.  Which will be when she’s ready” he continued, seeing that the agitated woman was about to press for a more definite answer. “I don’t know when that will be, but judging from her vitals it could be any time now. Just sit with her, talk to her, let her know that you’re here for her, and when she does wake-up call the nurse and she’ll page me immediately”

“Okay” Ashley and the group of teenagers nodded. “Thank you, doctor”

“My pleasure” Dr. Tisdale assured her. “Now, I’ll leave you alone. Talk to her, remind her why she needs to wake up”                                                                                                                                                     

As the words left the man’s mouth, everyone turned to glance at an unsuspecting, worried-sick Spencer.

It was subtle enough, and certainly an unconscious act – although the synchronicity Aria, Alison, Emily and even Mrs. Marin displayed was quite astounding. Probably because each one of them knew, on some level, that at the time the only thing Hanna wanted and needed the most was the oblivious brunette.                                                                                                                        

Unbeknownst to them, Spencer was starting to realize just how much she wanted and needed Hanna, too.


	2. Confabulation

**_‘Confabulation: Noun. 1._ ** _The act of confabulating; conversation; discussion._

  1. _Psychiatry. A disturbance of memory, defined as the production of fabricated, distorted, or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world, without the conscious intention to deceive. **’** _



**…**

Spencer jumped as her cell phone started to vibrate in her pocket. Since Hanna was on a regular floor she didn't need to keep it off completely, but she had set it to the silent notification so that way it wouldn't ring and disturb anybody else on the floor. She glanced at the screen and saw that it was Emily.                                                                                                                        

“Hey” she answered in a hushed whisper as she quietly stepped out of the room.

“How’s our girl doing?”                                                                                                                                 

The brunette sighed heavily and frowned. “Same as before. Still out to the world” she reported, not bothering to try and hide her unease. There was a long pause on the other line and then she heard hushed voices and a shuffling noise.                                                                                                                                     

“Maybe she’s just waiting for her one true love to lay a kiss on those pouty lips of hers” Alison suddenly quipped. “You should give it a shot…” was added in a muttered tone, so quiet that Spencer wasn’t sure she heard it correctly.                                                                                                                                                    

“Ali, drop it” Emily hissed reproachfully. “Um, anyway Spence, we’re on our way. See you in a bit”

With that, the line went dead. Spencer blinked her confusion away and walked back to sit at Hanna’s bedside. The blonde was still fast asleep, the ghost of a smile etched on her lips. Every now and then she would mumble incoherent words or let out feeble moans and contented sighs.

Spencer sat there for hours, completely enthralled by the sight. _‘Must be a really nice dream’_ she thought.                                                                                                                                                                         

…                                                                                                        

_It was Christmas Eve._

_The Hastings had already headed out to the Country Club for their annual party, leaving their youngest daughter at home, all on her own._

_Usually Hanna resented them for their poor parenting skills – she knew that Spencer suffered because of their carelessness, especially growing up. They weren’t bad people or bad parents per se; they just were disbelievingly inconsiderate. Once the brunette had defined their attitude as ‘benign neglect’. Not that her girlfriend would ever admit any of that: one of the things all the Hastings had in common was their stupid pride. Whenever they hurt, they did it in silence and hiding from the world. And that was something that bothered Hanna, a lot; she hated when Spencer withdrew from her and kept everything bottled up inside. Every time that happened, she felt like she had failed her girlfriend._

_This time, however, was slightly different. This time it was Spencer who had come up with a pretest to stay at home a little longer, promising that she would catch up with them later, before the party would start; and Hanna could just envision the reason behind that, trembling with anticipation._

_She stood at the large window in Spencer’s room, absentmindedly glancing outside at the snowflakes that fell from the sky and swirled in the air. A soft smile lit up her face as she heard her girlfriend rustling through her closet and shuffling around._

_“Are you alright babe?” She called out when after a loud thud the brunette swore under her breath._

_“Almost” Spencer replied. “Stay put. Do. Not. Turn. Around until I say so” she warned._

_“Fiiine” Hanna whined. “Try not to hurt yourself, though. You klutz” she teased fondly._

_Spencer only grumbled something in response, too busy adding the finishing touches to her outfit to shoot back whatever sarcastic remark popped up in her brain to her girlfriend._

_She put on a red Santa hat and straightened up her dress. “Okay, you can look now”_

_Hanna turned around and her jaw went slack. She couldn’t believe her eyes and actually had to do a double take: there stood Spencer, hands on her hips and that damn cute smirk she so adored on her face, clad in a short sexy Santa dress with matching hat. Her legs were bare but she had on a pair of black pumps that Hanna had tried to steal from her once or twice before._

_‘God, she looks amazing’ Hanna thought._

_“Merry ho-ho” Spencer sing-sang in that low, deliciously raspy voice of hers._

_It took a while, but eventually Hanna recovered from her stupor. She so not discretely licked her lips and gave the brunette a once over, effectively checking her out, and smirked._

_Like a panther, she approached her prey carefully; her steps measured and deliberately slow, her hips swaying tantalizingly, until she was practically invading the brunette’s personal space. Breathing the same air._

_“I see how it is now…” she drawled out, her own voice dropping an octave. She slipped a hand around the taller girl’s waist, pressing their bodies flush together. “Miss Hastings, are you trying to seduce me?”_

_“I don’t know” Spencer whispered as her own hands clasped around Hanna’s neck. “Is it working?”_

_“God, yes” Hanna breathed directly on her lips a moment before capturing them with her own._

_Oh, they were so going to be late at that party._

…

“She’s moaning again” Aria pointed out as she watched bewildered her friends.                                                      

One of the doctors surrounding Hanna, a redheaded woman who introduced herself as Doctor Clyde, pulled a penlight from her pocket and quickly checked the teenager’s pupils.  “Still dreaming. Tisdale said she was making some noise last night too?”

Mrs. Marin nodded. “Yeah. I just hope she’s not in too much pain”

“Well” a nurse nearby replied, “it sounded like a happy moan to me” she couldn’t help but mumble to herself as she followed the doctor outside, leaving a group of teenagers and the patient’s mother in the room.                                                                                                                                              

They were all so engrossed in the discussion taking place at the moment amongst each other that they failed to notice the blonde’s grunts and groans of pain and discomfort, a clear signal that she was gradually regaining consciousness.                                                                                                    

“Mom?” she attempted to call out, but her voice was too weak for them to heard. She took a deep breath and winced when a jolt of pain startled her momentarily. She felt so dizzy; the slightest of the movement caused her headache to pulse viciously and a wave of vertigo to roll over her.

“Woah” she grimaced.                                                                                                                                           

That was when the others finally realized that she was awake. Her mother was the first to rush to her side, throwing her arms around her as carefully as possible, unable to contain her relief and affection.                                                                                                                                                                 

Still enveloped in the bear-hug, Hanna glanced over her mother’s shoulders and saw her three friends beaming back at her. She frowned.                                                                                                    

“Where’s Spence?” she asked in a small voice, slightly upset that the brunette was not there.           

Alison scoffed. “Of course that’s the first thing you can think of ask after three days of co-“           

Emily cut her off elbowing her lightly on her side. “Behave” she hissed into the Rosewood’s former Queen-Bee’s ear.                                                                                                                                                    

“It’s good to see you too, Han” Aria chuckled rolling her eyes at her friends' antics.                        

“Sorry” Hanna said, looking genuinely mortified.                                                                                    

“Don’t sweat it” Emily replied kindly. “But Aria’s right: it’s really good to have you back” They grinned at each other. “Anyway, Spencer’s gone to inform the doctor that you’re awake. She should be back in a minute”                        

As if on cue, the tall brunette strolled back into the room followed by a middle-aged man in white scrubs and a nurse.

“Hey, you” Spencer greeted with a warm smile as she approached the bed, while the doctor took her chart and flipped through its pages.                                          

Hanna immediately clasped her hand in a vice grip; she opened her mouth to say something but the doctor interrupted her.                                                                                                                                     

“Good morning. I apologize for having to intrude, but I have to ask you some questions to make sure everything’s okay” he suddenly spoke up, all business, clicking the pen open to take notes. “Do you remember your name?”                            

“Hanna Marin”

“Good” Dr. Tisdale murmured as he scribbled in the chart. “Do you know the date?”

“That depends” the blonde frowned. “How long I was out again?”                                                               

“Three days” her mother supplied.                                                                                                                                                                   

“Then it should be December, 19th”                                                                                                                                                                    

“Very good” he nodded again. “Who’s the President?”                                                                                                                         

“…”

The doctor frowned at the lack of reply and looked up from the charts.                                                        

“Oh no, it’s normal” Spencer interjected. “She wouldn’t know it even without the trauma”

Hanna shot her a glare while Emily, Aria and Alison snorted loudly. Ashley Marin merely shook her head in resignation. 

The man guffawed goodheartedly at this. “It’s better this way. Okay, last question: do you remember what happened?”                                                                                                                                                              

“I… um…” the blonde closed her eyes making an effort to remember. “I was on the roof with my girlfriend. We were taking a break from decorating her house… then I think I slipped and… fell?”                                                                                            

“Unfortunately, that’s correct” Dr. Tisdale confirmed, all the while five heads snapped around so fast it was a miracle none of them sustained a whiplash.                                                                

“ _Girlfriend?”_  Aria shrieked, fixing her glare on Spencer and Hanna. “Wait, were you holding back on us? When were you guys going to tell us? I mean, really?!” she asked disappointed.                                                                                                   

“Wha-“ Spencer stammered, completely flabbergasted. “I d-don’t know what…”                               

“What are you talking about, Ar?” Hanna piped up, confused and a little annoyed by her short friend’s outburst. “And why are you all looking at me like I suddenly grew two heads? You were the first ones to find out about us, don’t you remember? Geez, and I’m supposed to be the one with the concussion”. She then turned to look at Spencer, who was uncharacteristically quiet and sported a wary expression. “Tell ‘em, baby”                                                                                                    

“Uh?” the brunette was still trying to connect the dots. “Um… Tell them what, exactly?”                                

Doctor Tisdale looked from Hanna to Spencer and the others as he quickly realized what was going on. “Mrs. Marin, girls” he started, choosing to ignore the frown that her patient shot him; “can I speak to you in the hall?”

“Of course” Ashley replied, still trying to figure out on her own what was going on with her daughter. “Hanna, we’re going to go talk to the doctor for a second, alright?”

“Fiiine” Hanna huffed petulantly. Then, pulling on Spencer’s hand – that had been still clutched in her own the whole time – she brought the older girl near her and pecked her on the dimple in her chin. “And you! Hurry back, gorgeous. I lost three days’ worth of your kisses” she winked.                                                                                                       

Spencer swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and nodded dumbly, her cheeks flushed pink. Not knowing what to say at this point, or even if she was supposed to say anything at all, she gently pulled her hand away from Hanna’s and made her way across the small private room to the hall.  She closed the door after herself, effectively blocking the blonde from hearing the conversation that the doctor obviously wanted to have with her and the others out of the patient’s earshot.

“I take it from the look on your face that you are not her girlfriend” Doctor Tisdale said, and everyone was scrutinizing her in trepidation.

Spencer squirmed under the burning stares she was for some reason receiving and chewed the corner of her lower lip, shaking her head slowly. “Nope. No, I’m not”                  

“So… she made up everything?”                                                                                                                    

The brunette shrugged uncomfortably. “Yeah, I s’pose…”                                                                                       

“Alright” Dr. Tisdale sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. “Well, then it would appear that Hanna may be suffering from amnesia”

“I thought amnesia was when you forgot things” Emily chimed in.

“It is” the doctor confirmed. “But, in this case, Hanna’s symptom seems to be confabulation – false recollections, or false memories”

“What? How… How can we fix it?” Ashley asked, as she glanced toward the closed door to her daughter’s room. She could see that her girl was now sitting up in the bed and watching them carefully through the tiny rectangular window set in the door. She smiled reassuringly at her for a moment before she turned her back to the door and forced her attention onto the doctor.

“I expect this will be a temporary condition. Hanna’s scans do not show a significant amount of swelling, so I am hopeful that when what little swelling she does have goes down, this symptom will disappear”

“Do we correct her?” Spencer abruptly asked, as she also turned to glance at the blonde through the window in the door. She was relieved to see that her friend had laid back down and was no longer sitting up and watching them.

Doctor Tisdale bounced his head from side to side as he frowned thoughtfully. “It depends on how you think she’ll react. Some patients get extremely nervous when their false memories are challenged. Some get upset, some…”

“So what do I do?” Spencer interrupted rather brusquely, her friends regarding her now with sympathetic and understanding eyes. She was obviously uncomfortable with this latest development, and she had all rights to be. It was a rather odd situation and she honestly had no idea about what to do. What was better to do, for Hanna’s sake in the first place, but also for her own and the sake of their friendship.

“It’s up to you and how you think she’ll react” the man answered. “The key here is to keep her calm so that she doesn’t aggravate her head injury. You know her better than we do, especially if she thinks you’re her girlfriend” he snickered , but the brunette glared at him sternly, evidently not at all amused by the joke.                                                                                                                                                 

“Ahem” he cleared his throat. “That being said, I don’t expect this little stage will last too terribly long. Keep her quiet, and hopefully the swelling will go down so that she’s back to normal – memory wise – soon. For now we just have to worry about the breaks and the more typical concussion recovery issues. If she does fall asleep, she cannot sleep for longer than an hour at a time due to her concussion. You can ask a nurse to pop in every now and then to wake her up”

“We’ll take care of it” Spencer asserted confidently – much to everyone’s surprise.                            

“Like she said” Mrs. Marin sighed, the hint of a knowing smirk on her lips. “When do you think she’ll be cleared for release?”                                                                                                                                                               

“She should be able to leave by tomorrow, provided her condition doesn’t worsen overnight, that is. And if there’s any problem, you know where to find me”                                                                   

“Thank you for everything, doctor” the redhead smiled gratefully at him.                                           

“My pleasure, Mrs. Marin” the man replied sincerely.

While the two adults continued to exchange pleasantries – at one point Alison was almost sure there was something going on there, after all Ashley Marin was notoriously a flirt, and had a bit of a reputation in Rosewood – the group of girls were trying to gauge Spencer’s reaction to this turn of events.                                                                                                                                                             

“What are you going to do now, Spence?” Emily inquired quietly.

Spencer shut her eyes closed and leaned her back against the wall.

“Hey, what’s going on in that big, beautiful brain of yours?” Aria asked softly, squeezing the taller girl’s arm in a gesture that she hoped brought her best friend some comfort and showed her support.                                                                                                                                                               

“I really don’t know” the tall brunette whispered. “How did things get so messed up? What am I supposed to do? I mean, I don’t want to upset her and risk that this gets worse; but I don’t want to lie to her, either”                                                                                                                                                          

“We get it, Spence” Alison said. “But let’s not make a big deal out of this: Hanna thinks you guys are together. So what? Just play along for a few days, until her memory comes back. You won’t be lying, not exactly; just… humoring her fantasies”                                                                                                

“But it’s wrong!” Spencer threw her hands up frustratingly.  “I mean, what if this will take longer than just a couple of days? And what happens when she’ll get be back to herself, uh? She will be so embarrassed about this… I don’t want things to get awkward or… or ruin our friendship”                   

“Aw sweetie, that will never happen” Aria assured. “You care about each other too much to let something so trivial come between the two of you. And she will understand that all you did, you did it for her sake”                                                                                                                                                   

“If you say so…” Spencer murmured, always the skeptical one. “Alright, I guess I’ll try…” she inhaled deeply. She really didn’t want to feed the delusions - both Hanna’s and hers, if she was really honest with herself – but she didn’t have the heart to shot her friend down completely either. “Wish me good luck”                                                                                                                                                                                 

Aria, Alison and Emily watched her turning away and making her way back into Hanna’s room.

“Guys, are we sure about this?” Emily asked thoughtfully.                                                                             

“Are you kidding me?” Alison scoffed incredulously. “This is exactly the occasion they needed to pull their heads out of their asses”                                                                                                               

“Yeah, this confabulation thing will most likely work as a catalyst for them” Aria merrily added her two cents. “Hanna’s memories might be false but I’m pretty sure that the emotions behind them aren’t”                                                                                                                                                      

“Let’s hope so” Emily sighed wistfully. “Quite frankly, I’ve had enough of them dancing around each other and never getting there”

“Yeah, it was cute for a while but now…”                                                                                                          

“Now it’s just annoying” Alison easily agreed. 

The trio shared a conspiratorial laugh as they strolled down to the hospital’s hall. But when they opened the door to their friend’s room their laughs subsided immediately, their features morphing in matching grins.                                                                                                                                               

Spencer and Hanna were in the middle of an argument; the blonde patting her bed insistently and begging for the brunette to lie down with her. She went as far as making her best puppy-dog eyes and that was Spencer’s undoing.                                                                                                                   

She carefully crawled onto the unoccupied side of the bed and Hanna wasted no time to scoot closer to her.                                                                                                                                                       

“Good girl” she exclaimed happily, looking up at Spencer with adoring eyes. “Now hold me”             

“You’re high maintenance, you know that right?” the brunette groaned but complied, putting an arm around the smaller girl’s shoulders and bending her head slightly to leave a soft kiss to her hair.                                                                

“Mmm, perfect” Hanna mumbled as sleep once again overtook her.                                                         

Standing on the threshold, three girls had the same thought observing the scene.                                    

“Unbelievable” Emily muttered.                                                                                                                    

“What a pair! Two obtuse idiots” Alison continued.                                                                             

“Totally” Even sweet little Aria couldn’t disagree this time.                                                                       

It was so obvious, what Hanna and Spencer felt for each other. Apparently, however, it had been so to everyone but them. But like they said, this could be their chance to sort everything out and found happiness; if only they knew that everyone was rooting for them.                                               

At this point, it was up to them. They could only cross their fingers and wish for the best.

**…**

**_‘The declaration of love marks the transition from chance to destiny, and that's why it is so perilous and so burdened with a kind of horrifying stage fright.’ – Alain Badiou_ **


	3. The blue hour

**‘Come sleep with me: We won't make Love, Love will make us.’ ― Julio Cortázar**

…                                                                                                                                                                                                      

Ashley Marin sighed softly when she walked into her living room, more than a little relieved to find her daughter just as she had left her. Not that she was in the condition to go anywhere, nor that she wanted. In fact, the redhead woman had the impression that Hanna was exactly where she wanted to be at the moment, judging by the lovesick grin that seemed to be permanently etched onto her lips these days, despite everything she was going through.                     

Sitting down on the armchair on the right side of the couch Ashley took a brief glance to the pair resting on the sofa, discretely enough that the objects of her curiosity were unaware but not so much that the teenage girls beside her didn't notice.                                                                                  

Hanna was sprawled on the sofa, sleeping blissfully with her head comfortably cushioned in Spencer’s lap; the brunette was absentmindedly yet tenderly stroking her hair - her chocolate brown eyes distant and thoughtful. Ashley idly wondered what she was thinking about, even though she could easily guess. As a matter of fact, she thought she knew what the young girl was thinking about. On some level, at least, because they shared similar concerns over someone who was extremely precious to the both of them.

Hanna had been cleared to go home just the day before – much to everyone’s joy and relief – but she felt still too weak and dizzy, and needed as much rest as possible to recuperate from her head injury. The doctors had been adamant on this, recommending to avoid any cause of distress and making a point about how much important was for her to have a serene convalescence. Especially given her peculiar ‘condition’.                                                                                                                     

But ever since Hanna woke up with the conviction that Spencer was her girlfriend, she had all but clung onto the brunette for dear life, stubbornly refusing to let her out of sight, even if only for a few minutes.                                                                                                                                                               

It was almost endearing, how much needy and affectionate the blonde was acting. It reminded Ashley so much of the times when her daughter was still a little spoiled child, always begging for attention and for someone to coddle and fuss over her. Spencer was compliantly doing just that: coddling the blonde with a care and gentleness that the older woman found sincerely touching. The young brunette had been solid, watchful and warm; she had held Hanna’s hand. She had guarded and supported her unconditionally and unwaveringly, despite her own fears and her own inner struggles. Spencer had been asked to be strong enough to hold on until Hanna would regain her memory, and since then she had done nothing but hold it together, for everyone’s sake.                                                                                                                                                                      In other words, and in all honesty, the youngest Hastings had been nothing short but wonderful in the last few days. But it was clear that this entire situation was taking a toll on her, and the older woman could understand why.                                                                               

As a mother, she was moved by the love Spencer - and the other girls, too - had for her daughter, and beyond proud of Hanna for having made such great friends. That didn’t prevent her to worry about her, though. It was her duty as a parent, after all.                                                                                    

“She looks so small and vulnerable…” Ashley’s words suddenly hit the air, effectively breaking the silence that had enveloped the room up until then. She realized that she had voiced her thoughts out loud only when Spencer’s head snapped and the girl turned to look at her cautiously.                 

“Yeah” the brunette nodded slightly. “It hurts, seeing her like this I mean. This is not the Hanna we all know and…“                                                                                                                                                                 

“She’s a force to be reckoned with, isn’t she?” the redhead almost beamed at the thought of her usually lively, bubbly daughter.

“She’s just so… bright. And warm, and beautiful” Spencer whispered contemplatively, lost in her own world made of awe and amazement for her blonde friend. “She’s like a sun”

“Oh Spencer, that is such a nice thought” the woman smiled indulgently when a deep shade of red spread onto the brunette’s pale cheeks.                                                                                   

Once again an uncomfortable silence descended upon them, and once again it was Ashley who broke it.

“I really appreciate it, you know, everything that you’re doing for Hanna. You’re taking such great care of her and I know it must be hard for you, playing along like this… But I wouldn’t have asked you to roll with it if I didn’t think that was the right thing to do, or that it wouldn’t benefit Hanna in some way. I want you to know that”                                                        

“Mrs. Marin, I understand” Spencer reassured, letting out a troubled sigh. “Besides, there are very few things I wouldn’t do for Hanna. I really care about her” she added as an afterthought.                                                                                                                                                         

“I can see that” Ashley smiled softly. Reality was, she had seen that a long time ago; certainly long before the two girls themselves did. “She’s lucky to have you”

Spencer looked at her like a deer caught in the headlights and the older woman couldn’t suppress a giggle at her expression, much to her embarrassment.                                                                                      

She simply couldn’t understand, for the life of her, how two people could be _that_ into each other and be _that_ clueless about it. But then again, perhaps that wasn’t really the matter here; perhaps they were just scared, and it was that fear that had blinded them to the obvious. They had been so insecure and so terrified of what they might lose that taking the risk for what they might gain was simply inconceivable. Or maybe they were both waiting for the other to do something. Whatever it was that had been holding them back, it was going to end soon. Of that she was sure.

“I know my daughter, and I trust your judgment. Be gentle with her, Spencer. God knows she’s going to need that” Mrs. Marin said somewhat cryptically. Then she stood up and walked towards the kitchen, leaving a perplexed brunette and an oblivious sleeping blonde alone, all on their own.                                                      

Spencer stared at her retreating figure for a long time, her frown instantly morphing into an anxious smile when she felt, rather than heard, the girl resting on her lap beginning to stir. She glanced down and instantly found her favorite pair of ocean blue eyes already focused on her.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

“Hi” Hanna smiled lazily up, stretching her limbs and trying to muffle a yawn.                                    

“Hey there” the brunette greeted back in a throaty whisper. 

“You okay?” Hanna murmured, her voice giving away her obvious concern as she studied Spencer’s face closely.                     

Spencer took a deep breath, preparing herself to be alone with the blonde once more, and nodded slowly. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

The injured girl shrugged and propped herself up against the taller girl’s left side. She observed the way the girl’s palms pressed into the rough material of the couch, and she could tell from the movement that Spencer was planning on getting up and moving away from her.                                                                                 

“Stay with me”

Spencer closed her eyes and drew another deep, fortifying breath. She wanted to stay there. Hell, she wanted to lie down beside Hanna, bury her face in the crook of the younger girl’s neck, and hold her close; but she knew that such an action would not be appropriate given their current situation. She knew, that were Hanna in full possession of her faculties, that the blonde would never make such a request. She knew that the moment her real memories would come back, that she would regret even uttering those words. She would regret everything that had been happening in the past few days.                                                                                                                             

“Han” the blonde’s name fell from her lips on a sigh, and she cringed at the want and the disappointment she could hear in her voice.

Hanna heard it too. So, ignoring the throbbing in her head, she sat up and reached out to gently turn Spencer’s face so that the brunette was actually looking at her. She felt her heart seize in her chest at the pain she saw etched onto the older girl’s face, and she winced at the uncertainty she saw clouding her soulful brown eyes.                                                                                                            

“What’s wrong, baby?” she asked as she slipped her hand from under Spencer’s chin to cradle the brunette’s face in her palm. “Hey, talk to me,” she urged gently as she ran her thumb over Spencer’s cheekbone soothingly.

Spencer closed her eyes as she reflexively relaxed into Hanna’s touch. She had longed to feel that touch for so long that she was absolutely helpless to stop herself for responding to it – even though she could not allow herself to give in to it.                                                                                      

“Han, we can’t” she sighed.

“Why?” Hanna asked softly, slightly hurt by her girlfriend’s constant rejection. Whenever she tried to initiate a physical contact, the brunette would always, irremediably pull away from her. Hanna was tired of this, and this time she wasn’t having none of that bullshit. She tightened her hold on Spencer’s jaw as she leaned in closer, needing to feel the brunette’s lips against her own. She didn't know where this hesitancy within her girlfriend had come from, but she was certain that a kiss would go a long way toward easing whatever it was that was bothering her.                                                                                                                                                                         

“Spence” she murmured as she pulled the brunette closer.

Spencer sighed and she licked her lips as her gaze flicked down to Hanna’s mouth. The blonde’s lips were parted ever so slightly, and they looked absolutely delicious. A warm, familiar heat spread low in her belly as she watched Hanna’s tongue slide out to wet her lips, and she whimpered pathetically as she felt the blonde’s tender grasp on her jaw tighten ever so slightly, drawing her in closer. The small, incessant voice of reason inside her head grew quieter and quieter until, against her better judgment, she succumbed to her need to taste Hanna’s lips, her eyes fluttering shut as she gave herself over to her desire.

Hanna moaned softly as she watched Spencer’s eyes flutter closed and she let her owns do the same as she moved to close that final distance separating them. Anticipation built to a crescendo of racing heartbeats as breaths mingled between parted lips, and just when that final, finite yet seemingly insurmountable distance was to be closed, the obnoxious sound of a ringing phone broke the spell, and the magic was gone.                                                                                                    

They opened their eyes and were thrown back into the harsh reality.

“Fuck” Spencer muttered angrily, not knowing if the irritation she felt rising up through her was because of the intrusion or because of her moment of weakness.                                                            

Hanna felt the brunette tense and instead of claiming the her lips, as was her original intent, she slipped her hand around Spencer’s neck to hold her close as she rested the uninjured side of her forehead against the taller girl’s.                                                                                                                          

“It’s okay. Let it ring” she murmured, her voice soft and warm and soothing. “Spence” she sighed as she felt the other girl shake her head and slip away from her to take the call.                                

“Dammit” Hanna huffed as she watched her girlfriend bolting out of her house at a light speed.                                                                                                                                                                    

…

Spencer hung up the phone after she finished her call with her mother and stuck it back into her pocket. She heaved a sigh and leaned her back against the against the rough wood of a porch pillar, slowly crouching down into a sitting position, with her knees pulled up under her chin and her arms clasped around her ankles.                                                                                                        

The sun was settling below the horizon, and Spencer chuckled to herself as she remembered something her physics teacher once told her during one of his lessons: “Time is an illusion, sunsets doubly so.”                                                                                                                                                               

 _‘What a beautiful illusion, though_.’                                                                                                                   

“Where’s your head at?” Hanna asked, appearing all of a sudden right in front of her, a warm blanket in one hand, Spencer’s coat and scarf in the other. “Gosh, it’s freezing out there”                                      

Up until then, the brunette hadn’t realized just how cold she was.                                                        

“Thank you” Spencer said, taking the offered items and immediately putting them on.

Hanna sat down beside her, so close that she was practically invading her space, and draped the blanket over their bodies. She chanced a small glance her way before hesitantly resting her head onto Spencer’s shoulder.                                                                                                                                        

“So, what are you thinking about?” she asked in a small voice.                                                                         

The brunette kept gazing straight ahead of her, completely lost in her own world of contemplation. She seemed to do that a lot, lately.

“There is a particular moment of the day that photographers call ‘Blue hour’” Spencer’s voice finally broke the silence. “It is a striking chromatic phenomenon that usually occurs when the sun is below the horizon, right before dawn or after sunset, in the twilight that precedes the darkness of the night” she explained.

“It is a magical moment during which everything is enveloped by a soft light and the landscape seems wrapped in a muffled atmosphere, suspended in an unreal dimension, and everything – everything - is tinged with different shades of blue” She turned her head and looked down at Hanna, right into her eyes, and they were so close that she whispered her next words directly into the blonde’s ear. “It lasts only a few minutes, half an hour at most, but represents a spectacle of rare beauty”                                                                                                            

And it really was. Even though, at that point, Spencer didn’t know anymore if she was still talking about the Blue hour, or if she was referring to the girl that was currently nestled into her side.

The very same girl she was undeniably crushing on. Hard.  And for quite some time, now.                                                                                                

She couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when she had started to feel attracted to one of her best friend; she didn’t even know how or why it happened. One day Hanna had simply turned around, looked at her and smiled that beautiful smile of hers - the kind of smile that lit up her eyes and brought out her dimples - and within a second Spencer understood absolutely everything: from the strength of her feelings to her inability to ever confess them, or even admit their existence for that matter.        

It had been a real, actual epiphany for her. And ever since then, Spencer had felt trapped into another dimension, one made of endless possibilities and scenarios. Much like some sort of twilight zone she didn’t know how to escape from.                                                                                                                                                             

“You know, I really love how freakin’ smart you are” Hanna said suddenly, her eyes shining with love and admiration and her lips stretched into a wide, enamored grin.                                                  

Spencer felt the butterflies in her stomach threatening to storm out all over again. She took a deep breath and swallowed them back down her throat, focusing all her attention on the blonde beside her. She wrapped an arm around the smaller girl’s waist and pulled her impossibly closer. She reached out slowly with her other arm, twining her hand into Hanna's, her thumb stroking her knuckles back and forth.                                                                                                                                    

It was in moments like this one that the brunette was at a loss for words; that she didn’t have the slightest clue on how she should behave. That she was almost tempted to let loose of her self-imposed restrains and let herself believe.                                                                                                      

It was her very personal Blue Hour, Spencer realized with a jolt. That elusive instant between dreams and awakening, crossed by a subtle melancholy and yet a harbinger of shining hope. A moment of transition and suspension, a moment in which everything has yet to start and because of that everything seemed possible; everything around her seemed motionless, oscillating between darkness and light, uncertain whether to fall back on itself or open up to a new day. It was a moment of waiting, a time bubble in which she found herself floating hesitantly, holding her breath.                                                                                                                                                                      

It came back to her the memory of a rainy afternoon, so many years ago, when she was still a kid and Melissa made her watch an old movie - ‘Four adventures of Reinette and Mirabelle’, by Eric Rohmer - and she fell in love right away with both the movie and the protagonist, a voluble painter whom treasures silence so much she wakes her friend before dawn to hear ‘the blue hour’, which ‘is not an hour but a second, not a sound but a brief silence between darkness and light, when the night birds stop singing and the day birds have not yet begun’.                                                                       

“ _And here, silence falls. If one day there was the end of the world, it would be at that precise minute and you know why? Because it's the only time you feel that nature ceases to breathe and this ... it's scary_ ” Spencer quoted that last in a hushed whisper, without even realizing it.                      

“Uh?” Hanna turned to look at her genuinely puzzled, because all she had heard was an incomprehensible mumble.                                                                                                       

“Nothing” the other girl shook her head and smiled softly at her. “I was just thinking aloud”              

“Is that a nerd thing?” the blonde asked rather seriously, her eyebrows knitted together to form an adorable frown.                                                                                                 

“No, Han…” Spencer chuckled despite herself. Somehow, Hanna always managed to brighten her mood; she had just a way to make everything better. She decided to tell her just that. “You know, you never fail to make smile. Even when I feel that I don’t have it in me to smile. And I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for that”                                  

“You’re most certainly welcome” Hanna replied, not missing a beat. “I love your smile, Spence. I love even more be the cause of it. But you know, if you really want to show me your gratitude maybe you could kiss me…” she tried to pose it as a joke; tried to mask the vulnerability in her voice. She didn’t know if she could take another rejection.           

“I wish…” Spencer muttered sardonically, before she caught sight of the blonde grinning at her like a Cheshire cat.                                                                                                                                                       

Hanna shook her head and reached out with a surprisingly quick hand, tangling her fingers into the soft hairs at the nape of Spencer’s neck. “So just do it” she muttered as she pulled the brunette down to her level and claimed her lips with her own.

Spencer gasped in surprise at the feeling of the other girl’s soft lips moving demandingly against her own, and her gasp turned into a low growl of pleasure as the blonde took advantage and thrust a hungry, seeking tongue inside her mouth. Mental and physical exhaustion combined with the heavenly feeling of Hanna’s lips upon hers and the intoxicating taste of the her tongue had her responding to the kiss rather than pulling away. She reached out and tangled her hands in Hanna’s hair, pulling the blonde closer as she tilted her head to the side, opening her mouth wider. Their tongues danced and dueled with each other in a barely restrained hunger, and she moaned as Hanna’s hands began to wander up and down her sides.                                                                           

She was lost to the feeling of Hanna’s hands upon her skin and the taste of the blonde upon her tongue, and she was only brought back to realty by the electric pulse that shot through her when Hanna moved her mouth to nibble at her earlobe.

“God” she pulled away with a gasp.

Hanna smiled, looking every bit like the cat that caught the canary, as she abruptly stood up and reached out with her hand to Spencer. “Well, I suppose that was worth the wait” she murmured, her voice soft and wistful as a playful smile stretched across her lips.

Spencer, however, was still out of it. Her mind and body were both wide wide-awake, on full alert tingling with electricity from the brief, stolen kiss. 

Because this was exactly what Spencer wanted, what she yearned so badly, but she had been too blind or too scared or whatever to admit it. And now it was happening, and it could be real or it could be an illusion, and ephemeral moment, and what was she supposed to do now?

“What am I supposed to do with you, Hanna Marin?” she groaned as she took the offered hand and allowed the blonde to pull her up. “Don’t” she warned when she saw the blonde’s smirk.               

“You’re a genius. I’m sure you will figure it out eventually” Hanna ignored the glare thrown her way and winked mischievously at the brunette.

And right then Spencer knew, just from that one kiss, that one stolen moment of having Hanna’s hands upon her body, that she was ruined. Nobody had ever made her feel so much and she knew, somehow fucking knew, that nobody ever would.  She made her way back into the house hand in hand with her apparently ‘girlfriend’ and shook her head sadly. _‘You are so screwed, Hastings. So well and truly screwed’,_ she mentally chastised herself. _‘I should’ve stopped her. But damn, that girl can kiss’_

 _“_ And if not, I’ll give you a hint: you. Me. Bed. Now”                                                                                     

“W-Wha-what?” the brunette shrieked.                                                                                                                                                   

Hanna scoffed. “Geez, calm your tits Spence, would you? I’m just feeling very drowsy and I want to fall asleep in your arms” she clarified.                                                                                   

“Oh”                                                                                                                                                                    

“Yeah”                                                                                                                                                               

“Sorry”                                                                                                                                                              

“S’okay” Hanna stifled a yawn “One would think I’m the one with the mind constantly in the gutter, though”                                                                                                                                                       

They both chuckled awkwardly at this.                                                                                                     

“So? Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?” the blonde asked in a small voice. They were already at the door of Hanna’s bedroom.                        

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be” Spencer replied honestly as she climbed onto the bed, Hanna following suit. The smaller girl’s wasted no time to snuggle up to her, resting her head onto the brunette’s chest and sighing contently. Spencer’s arms automatically found their place around the blonde’s waist, holding her close.                                      

She closed her eyes for a second, but when she opened them again she found herself surrounded by darkness. Hanna was still nestled safely into her embrace, resting as peacefully as ever.                  

The pale moonlight filtered through the glass of the window, lending a soft glow to her face. 

Spencer moved a strand of blonde hair that had fallen all over her face behind her ear, her thumb caressing softly the creamy skin of her cheek. She would have loved to stay awake and watch this beautiful creature sleeping; watching the rise and fall of her chest while breathing. She wanted to savor this moment of blissfulness, engrave it forever in her memory. But then sleep claimed her too, and she surrendered with a sweet smile. She finally understood that she didn’t need to memorize this moment, because she was part of it.                                                                                                   

Before drifting off, her last conscious thoughts went to Hanna and the magic of the blue hour, that brief period during which everything became possible.


	4. A little Christmas miracle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas (albeit belatedly). Hope you are having/had a wonderful time, full of love and joy.

**_‘Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.’ – Maya Angelou_ **

…

Spencer woke up slowly, pulling and clawing herself out of yet another nightmare – for some reason, it was something that kept occurring on a regular basis recently - only to feel herself pinned to the bed by a weight across her waist and something heavy resting on her shoulder. She attempted a heartfelt scowl even in her half-asleep state, then decided that opening her eyes would be a good first step. She did so slowly, some instinct making her wary. She was glad of her caution moments later when the dim lights of wherever she was seemed to sear her retinas. She waited a few moments before trying again, this time with more success.                                         

"Mm..."

She frowned at the whisper of sound right next to her ear, which seemed to have come from the weight on her shoulder. Blinking slowly, she turned her head - her eyes, probably so weak because of disuse, she decided, barely able to make out the shape of a young woman's face. As she adjusted to the dim light, and to seeing, she was able to differentiate between creamy colored skin and strands of blonde, silky hair. Her eyes widened as her brain, muzzy and unfocused, made the leap to knowing who the owner of that face, and that hair, was. She glanced down, assuring herself that the warm, living weight around her waist was an arm, and the pressure against her side was from a body pressed against her own. She sighed inwardly, but then the panic returned. All she had ascertained so far was that her best friend/fake girlfriend was laying half on top of her.                                                                                                                                        

That very same best friend/fake girlfriend she had oh-so-immensely enjoyed kissing the day before, she reminded herself suppressing a groan.                                                                                                          

"Mmm, Spencer"

The sound of her own name got her to turn back to Hanna, but the blonde was apparently still asleep. Thank God for that.                                                                                                                                                               

"Hmm..." Hanna moaned again, her hot breath caressing Spencer’s neck; her lips brushing her sensitive skin, there.

Spencer rolled her eyes but didn’t dare moving an inch, not wanting to wake her up; she tried to settle as comfortably as possible while watching her friend as she breathed slowly and apparently fell back into a deeper sleep. But then Hanna slid a leg between hers and slipped a hand under her shirt, until it came to rest directly onto her lower stomach.                                                                      

Spencer felt her whole body tensing in response to that, but she was once again distracted as the blonde began to move her pelvis slightly but steadily against her thigh. Her eyes widening in panic – because as much as it flattered Spencer that she was the star of her friend’s wet dream, it was still highly inappropriate for her to assist to such a thing - or to let Hanna dry hump her like that, for that matter.                                                                                                                                                    

What a way to wake up – on Christmas Eve Day no less.                                                                                       

The youngest Hastings was beyond mortified, and trying desperately to find a way to pull herself out of that situation or to push her friend away as gently as objectively possible. But the blonde repetitive and rather suggestive, though subconscious, movements pushed Spencer’s leg a bit further as Hanna’s knee came to rest directly up on her inner thigh until it finally brushed on her center, and that was when Spencer literally jolted and snapped into action, all thoughts of gentleness and subtlety gone.                                                                                                                                    

It was all way too much to take in – especially that early in the morning – and definitely enticing. Atrociously tempting, in fact. And that was the last thing Spencer needed right then and there.  So she slid out of bed quietly, changed into a fresh pair of clothes that she had previously left into Hanna’s closet during one of their many sleepovers, and bolted out of the room, leaving only a vague note behind that said that she had to go home and that she would see Hanna later that night at the Hastings’ Christmas party.                                                                                                             

She was halfway through her way downstairs and already starting to regret her actions when she bumped into her two very startled, very puzzled best friends.                                                                                                                                         

“Hey, Spence” Emily called out, turning her head over her shoulder to stare baffled at the retreating figure of the other brunette.                                                                                                        

“Sorry, gotta run” Spencer yelled back, her hand already to the doorknob. “See ya later”                  

“Um, sure” the swimmer replied unsurely. “What was that?” She then turned to ask her girlfriend, whom was looking toward the door with a troubled expression.                                                             

Alison only shrugged in response. “C’mon babe, let’s go before the coffee gets cold” she said a moment later, leaning up to press a quick kiss to Emily’s cheek and taking her hand, guiding her upstairs into Hanna’s bedroom.                  

They didn’t bother knocking at the door – it would have been useless, seeing as Spencer had left it slightly ajar when she had ran away like that.                                                                                                      

“Rise and shine, sleepy head” Emily chirped. “It’s Christmas Eve and we’ve come bearing gifts”

Alison rolled her eyes, both at her girlfriend’s antics and her obsession with the Holiday, and at the low guttural groan coming from the girl lying on the bed under layers of covers.                                

“Good morning” she greeted in a considerably lower tone, as she approached her friend and patted her lightly on where she supposed was her head.

“Spence?” Hanna mumbled sleepily, searching with her hand the empty half of the bed.

“It’s Alison and Emily” the former Queen Bee corrected softly, as she patiently waited for the other girl to come around.  When one sleep-filled blue eye opened to focus on her, she smiled reassuringly.  “How are you feeling?”

“Okay” Hanna rasped.

“Good. Your mom told us that Spencer took good care of you last night” she observed casually, deciding to test the waters.

Hanna nodded slowly. “She…” Her voice trailed off as the events of the last day flashed through her mind. “Oh. My. God” she murmured, and she paled considerably as she remembered both the vivid dream she was having earlier in the morning, and the events of the previous night.                                                               

“What?” Emily asked concerned.

“Oh fuck” Hanna groaned softly. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. It can’t be. Please, tell me it didn’t happen”         

Realization suddenly dawned upon Alison, as she glanced at Hanna with sympathetic eyes.

“Did I really tell her…?” Hanna asked, her own eyes full of sadness, fear and shame. “And then I…”

“It wasn’t that bad” Alison tried to reassure her. “Really”

“I kissed her!”  _Like,_ _really kissed her._

“Is that a bad thing?” Emily couldn’t help but ask as she also understood what was going on. Finally.

Hanna’s eyes widened as another memory of the previous day hit her.  _I felt her up. I…_  “Oh no. Did I try something? Did I say something stupid? That I… that I’m in lo-”

“We don’t know that” Emily said, shaking her head desolately. She felt so helpless, watching her friend’s distress. She wanted nothing more than to pull her out of her misery but couldn’t. There was only one person who could – that much was clear.                                                                                                         

“We didn’t see you that much since you were released. The doctors said that you needed to rest, and the only one allowed to be near you full time was Spencer”

“Yeah, you’ve practically clung to her since the moment you woke up in the hospital”

Hanna groaned and ran a hand through her hair. “You’ve got to be kidding me”

“She knew what was happening” Emily reassured her patient. “She knew and understood that you were suffering through a bit of amnesia. And she did stay by your side willingly. She wanted to help you. I honestly don’t think you have anything to be concerned about”

 _‘Yeah, right’._ “But I do love her” Hanna whispered, mostly to herself.                                                         

They however heard her, and they both nodded along thoughtfully. Emily was ninety-nine percent sure that the brunette returned those affections; but she knew that it wasn't her place to share, so she instead changed the subject back to the matters at hand.                                                                                                                     

“Oh, hey, I almost forgot: here’s your coffee” she said cheerfully, smiling brightly as she handed over to her friend a Styrofoam cup while producing from her purse a paper bag. “And, cinnamon rolls. My mother baked them for you”                      

But Hanna merely noticed, as she kept sitting there on the bed and staring off into space. “How can I possibly face her now?” she whispered brokenly, as tears were already pooling in her eyes. 

Alison and Emily glanced briefly at each other before rushing to her side, each one of them taking a hold of the blonde in the vain attempt to console their shattered friend.

Trying to be as subtle as possible, Alison quickly pulled out her cellphone from her purse and started texting their other friend, Aria, informing her of the latest developments. Because if someone was able to break through Spencer’s walls and have her to open up and admit what all of them already knew, then it had to be the petite brunette. Or at least, she hoped so.                           

With some luck, by the end of the day they were going to push those two knuckleheads exactly where they belonged: into each other’s arms.

…

_[Meanwhile]_

“Aria, hey” Spencer answered breathlessly her phone as soon as the door of her house slammed shut behind her back.                                                                                                                                      

“Hey, are you alright?” the petite brunette inquired from the other end of the line. “You sound out of breath. Have you been running?”                                                                                                                

“Yes” Spencer shot back without thinking. “No” she frowned. “Yes. I think so. I don’t know, I-”                                   

“Woah, okay. Calm down. I’m not following you” Aria replied, cutting her friend off. “Yes or no?”                                                 

“This is so fucked up”                                                                                                                                                       

Spencer heard a heavy sigh and then silence. “Is this about Hanna?” Aria eventually asked, knowingly, and the lanky brunette would have been bothered by this fact hadn’t her best friend’s voice been so soft and full of concern.                                                                                                                                

“Is that so obvious?”                                                                                                                                          

“Yes” Aria replied evenly. “What happened now?”                                                                                                                                                     

“Yesterday I kissed her” Spencer explained, heaving a sigh. “To be exact, she kissed me. And I kissed her back. Just for a second. Maybe two… I don’t know”                                     

“Is that all?”                                                                                                                                                        

“What do you mean, ‘is that all’?” the brunette snarled indignantly.                                                       

“Well, isn’t that what girlfriends are supposed to do?” Aria giggled lightly.                                                  

“In theory, yes” Spencer snapped. “But you’re forgetting that we are not together. It’s all in her head and this is such a mess and I’m positively freaking out and you are so not helping right now”                 

“Okay, okay. You’re right. I’m sorry” Aria sobered quickly as she listened to her friend outburst. Truth to be told, she had known right away that something with Spencer was very wrong, and she had tried – but obviously failed – to lighten the mood with her poor attempt at humor. Now she was regretting it sorely, seeing as the brunette had retired into an uneasy silence.               

“Spence, are you still there?” she asked after an excruciatingly long pause.                                                                              

“Am I really that selfish?” Spencer said in a small voice. “Am I really this awful human being? Because I feel terrible, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not living for this symbiotic relation Hanna and I have right now. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I've found my place. And now I have to distance myself, because it's all so wrong. Because she was fragile and I should’ve taken care of her, not took advantage of the situation”

“Listen to me and listen carefully, because I’m not going to repeat myself: you’re a magnificent human being, Spencer Hastings. You’re brilliant, compassionate, brave-“                                       

“Aria…”                                                                                                                                                                    

“No, let me finish” the petite brunette raised her voice. “I think what you’ve done for Hanna is remarkable. The way you’ve put aside your own feelings for her sake is the exact opposite of ‘selfish’. If anything, it shows just how much selfless and altruistic you really are”                                     

“Even though what I feel…” Spencer shook her head, not quite knowing how to continue from there. “What I feel for her… it’s all kind of intense. And I don’t want to scare her off. I also don’t know if this  means anything to her. Tomorrow things might not mean what I want them to mean. Or worse, they’ll mean nothing. Tomorrow she might wake up and remember that to her I’m nothing more than her nerdy friend. I should have gone with my gut and not played along. Maybe it’s not too late; maybe I still can tell her the truth and-“                                                                              

“And you think that will solve everything? That pulling away from her would do either of you any good? Distance can't do anything when you can't fight the urge to reach out for the person you're in love with, no matter what” Aria retorted. “Besides, telling her the truth now won’t change anything. It won’t change the way you feel about her, or even the way she feels about you for that matter”                    

“What are you saying, Ar?”                                                                                                                          

“That Hanna got her memory back. Her real memory, I mean. Apparently the confabulation is finally over”                                                                                                         

“Oh. That’s… great”                                                                                                                                                                   

“Yeah. And…”

“And?”

“That for once in your life you should trust your heart, not your brain”                                                         

Spencer smiled sadly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “What if I told you that, for once in my life, there’s never really been a battle between my reason and my heart. That they always both belonged to Hanna?”                                                                                                                                                   

And that was the undeniable truth. How was the saying? _'The heart has its reasons, of which reason cannot know’_. Right. That Pascal guy was a real genius. 

“I’d say that you should run to your girl and tell her. And you may want to use those exact same words while you’re at it” Aria suggested, trying really hard to suppress the squeal that was threatening to burst out from the depth of her throat. “Aw, this is so romantic. I’m so happy for you”                                                                                                         

“Aria” the brunette sighed. “Are you really sure about this?”                                                           

“Positive”

“Alright. I… Thank you, little big one” Spencer whispered hoarsely, her voice full of gratitude and emotion. “I mean it”

“Anytime” Aria replied sniffling, wiping happy tears from her eyes. It finally looked like everything was settling into place, and her best friends were finally going somewhere – hopefully towards their happy ending – and she was just so unbelievably glad for that. She was such a sucker for romance, after all. Sue her. “And I call dibs on Maid of Honor” She added with a teasing tone.                                                            

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, now” Spencer muttered playfully, then frowned. “Um, anyway. Why did you call? Did you need something?”                                                                                                                                             

“Uh?” Aria asked, sounding honestly dumbfounded. “Ah, um, I can’t remember now…”                                    

It was a lie. She didn’t want to tell Spencer that had been Alison to text her an ‘S.O.S.’ just a few minutes prior, affirming that the taller half of ‘Team Sparia’ needed her other half to talk some sense into her and make her see reason.                                               

“Oh, sorry ‘bout that. Well, either way I’m really glad you did call. Sorry, gotta go now. See you later” And with that, she hung up.                                                                                                                         

 _‘I can do this’,_ Spencer thought. _‘Yep. I can do this. Game on, Hastings.’_

…

**[Later that night, at the Hastings’]**

Spencer was panicking.

_‘What the hell was I thinking? I can’t do this’_

The Christmas party their parents were throwing was in full swing downstairs and yet there she was, confined in her bedroom, pacing back and forth like a caged animal. All the resolution from her previous conversation with Aria long forgotten. Gone the moment she caught a glimpse of the owner of the soft, silky blonde hair she had spent the last few days running her fingers through standing by the door, accompanied by her mother.                                                                                    

And God, she was a sight to behold.                                                                                                 

She was wearing a pale blue cocktail dress that hugged her curves perfectly in all the right places and brought out the shimmering light of her eyes; a white shawl was draped over her shoulders and at her feet were a pair of silver three inches stiletto heels. It was a rather simple outfit all things considered, but Spencer found her absolutely breathtaking.

Maybe that was why the brunette had run upstairs, so that her lungs could refill with the air that Hanna managed to stole away from her.                                                                                           

Unfortunately for her, Alison had noticed and had come to the rescue. Or rather, she had come to kick her ass all the way back down, if her menacing glare was anything to go by.                                                                                                                         

“I swear to God, Spence, if you don’t go talk to her this minute I’ll-“                                                

“What do you want?”                                                                                                                                          

Alison inhaled harshly, trying to hold back the acid remarks that were begging to come out of her mouth. “So. Damned. Dense” she muttered under her breath exasperatedly. “Seriously, Spencer… you’re the dumbest genius I know”                                                                                                                     

“I’m the only genius you know” said girl replied smugly, though it was more of an act than anything else.                                                                                                                                                       

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that…” the blonde smirked. “Look, Hanna is crazy about you. I mean, c’mon! If it wasn’t obvious before, it sure is now. So what’s the real issue here?”                                   

“I don’t want to lose her” Spencer confessed. “I can’t lose her”                                                                                                      

“Hate it to break it to you, but she isn’t yours to lose to begin with. Not unless you do something to change that. And she won’t wait forever for you to pull your head out of your ass”                                                                                                                                                         

“Why should I be the one to make a move first? And what if this, whatever it is, doesn’t work out?”                                

“There’s only one way to find out, don’t you think?” Alison retorted. “And you should be the one to make a move because she’s absolutely terrified right now. She’s pretty much convinced that you don’t want anything to do with her anymore… and I must say, your constantly pulling and running away from her isn’t helping with that line of thinking”                                                                                                                                                          

Alison’s words may have been harsh, but they seemed to sort the desired effect as suddenly Spencer snapped out of her reverie and sprinted out of the door and towards the staircase.            

 _“_ Shit, that was fast” the blonde said with a grin, rushing after her cousin.                                        

In less than five second she was downstairs, moving with purpose through the crowd on the lookout for Hanna. She spotted Aria and Emily standing in a secluded corner, immersed in their conversation; they turned around at the same time and waved at her, then their eyes widened simultaneously in understanding, and big goofy grins broke out on their faces when Alison approached and debriefed them.                                 

Spencer nodded curtly and waved off her friends’ knowing smirks as she made her way to the living room. Partway there, she spotted Hanna standing in front of the Christmas tree, her back to the people mingling and partying on in the house. Spencer felt a renewed sense of purpose and she slid through the crowd to get to her, touching her elbow lightly to get her attention.

The blonde jumped at the touch but when she turned, instead of relaxing at realizing who it was, she looked even more tense.

“Hey, Han” Spencer said just as Hanna breathed her name. She laughed but the blonde shook her head.

“Spence, I have to get this out”

“Get what out?”

“See, I had been practicing what to say but nothing sounded right. Nothing sounds right still but what it all boils down to is that I have to take a step back from our friendship”

Spencer’s stomach dropped, her heart plummeted. “W-What? Why?”

Hanna took a deep breath and averted her eyes, unable to stand the hurt look on the brunette’s face. “I was hoping you weren’t going to ask why but of course you’d want to know why. Why wouldn’t you? It’s only natural when your best friend says they can’t be friends with you anymore that you would want to know why. Unless you find out that your best friend has been secretly in love with you for such a long time…”                                                                                                                                             

Spencer’s breath hitched: had she heard that right? Of course at this point she knew that Hanna had feelings for her, but to actually hear the blonde confirm it… to hear the blonde say that she _loved_ her…                                                          

“And then maybe you’d be relieved. Ecstatic even. Especially after the whole fiasco of that confabulation thing, or whatever it’s called. God, it’s all so embarrassing I don’t know how I haven’t already fainted, or run away, or something… but, well, the thing is -”

“Hanna” Spencer interrupted softly, smiling involuntarily at how nervous the other girl was. She had heard right, there was only one reason why the blonde would be so anxious that she’d start rambling.

“No, Spencer, I have to get this out. You have to let me get this out or I’m never going to. God, I’m so sorry, this is such a mess and -”

“Han -”

“After all you just came to probably say that you don’t want anything to do with me, at least not in that way, and here I am just being the most pathetic -”

“Hanna Marin"

“Excuse for a lovesick human being because that’s what I am Spence, I’m lovesick. I’m so sorry, I just - mmph”

This time Hanna was cut off by Spencer’s lips crashing onto hers and her eyes grew wide for a fraction of a second before fluttering closed and she gave herself over to the sensation. She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve her friend kissing her, but she wanted to do it again and again if this was the result. The brunette’s mouth was softer and warmer than Hanna remembered or had ever daydreamed about; the fingers tangling in her hair more deft and demanding, the tongue running along the seam of her lips more insistent and she was more than willing to open her mouth than she had been in her daydreams too - and that was saying something.                                                                                       

They stood making out right there, in the middle of the party, completely lost in themselves until a longing groan rumbled up from Hanna’s throat when Spencer bit down gently on the blonde’s bottom lip before slowing their frenzied pace until they were giving each other a series of chaste kisses and then resting their foreheads together, both of them breathing hard, Spencer’s hands still tangled in Hanna’s hair and Hanna’s hands having found purchase at Spencer’s hips.

“Wow” Hanna breathed, her eyes wide in surprise and her cheeks flushed.

“Wait, you didn’t choose this spot on purpose?” Spencer murmured through labored breaths, a small smirk gracing her lips as she glanced up to the ceiling. Surely enough, there was mistletoe hanging over their heads.                                                                                                                                                            

“Oh” the blonde whispered, sounding strangely disappointed. “Is that why you…?”

“Hanna” Spencer cut her off. “Can I ask you just this one thing? But you have to answer me honestly”

Hanna hesitated just for a moment, then nodded slowly.

“What do you want for Christmas, Hanna?”                                                                                                                                                               

“Just say it” she whispered reassuringly as she closed once again the distance separating them so she could gently lift the smaller girl’s chin and force her to look at her. “Tell me” she urged gently, letting her eyes fill with the affection she held for the blonde.

Hanna looked into Spencer’s beautiful chocolate eyes and felt her breath knocked from her chest by the love she saw staring back at her. “I… I want…”

The blonde's inability to find the right words was absolutely adorable and Spencer tilted her head encouragingly.  “Hmm?”

“You” Hanna whispered, her shoulders slumping in defeat. She couldn’t fight what she felt any longer. She wasn't able to resist that look in Spencer’s eyes any longer. “I want you. Us”

Spencer was unable to contain the smile that broke free at the blonde’s words. She slipped her hand from under the point of Hanna’s chin to cradle the side of her face tenderly.                        

“Hanna” she sighed.  She let her eyes dance over the younger girl’s face, drinking in her beauty, her strength. She knew how hard it must have been for Hanna to say those three simple words, and she felt her heart swell inside her chest with the knowledge that finally, finally she would be able to do something about her attraction, affection, and, if she was being honest with herself, the love she felt for her.                                                                                                                                                 

Hanna’s eyes fluttered closed at the feeling of Spencer’s hand upon her cheek and she reflexively turned her face into that touch, giving herself over to it as she waited for her absolution or condemnation. The brunette’s smile, her tone, were both accepting, but she was still afraid.  Her heart began to race in her chest, her fight or flight response kicking in as she struggled to remain where she was and not run away.  Her fear had her primed to run, to escape, to flee this potentially disastrous situation – but her hope had her rooted to the spot, shaking imperceptibly as she waited for Spencer’s response.

So she waited, with her heart hammering in her chest and her pulse pounding in her ears as she savored feeling of Spencer’s hand upon her skin, committing the feeling to memory so that she would be able to remember it forever. She felt the warmth from Spencer’s touch spread through her and she was so focused on that soft touch upon her cheek that she at first did not notice the even softer brush of lips against her own.

“Look at me, baby” Spencer whispered as she leaned in and brushed her lips across Hanna’s. This kiss was soft, chaste, and simple, but the meaning behind it, the acceptance, the affection it held was unmistakable.

The blonde whimpered softly and opened her eyes to stare into bottomless brown. “Spence” she whispered, the brunette’s name spilling from her lips as a prayer. A soft, breathless request for the taller girl to accept her love and protect her heart.

“I want you too” Spencer murmured, watching the other girl carefully, making sure that the blonde understood the sincerity of her words. “I am yours. I love you, Hanna Marin”

Hanna felt her heart skip a beat as the brunette’s words soothed her soul, and she smiled softly as she reached out to clasp her hands at the back of her neck. Her uncertainty and fear faded as she read the truth in Spencer’s eyes and heard the honesty in her words. As her uncertainty disappeared a small measure of confidence took its place and she pulled the willing girl closer until they were standing hip to hip with each other.                                                                                           

“I love you too, Spencer Hastings” she murmured, completely awestruck. “So very much”                                                                                                                                         

Spencer wet her lips as her gaze flicked down to the smiling blonde’s mouth and she felt that familiar pull low in her stomach as she watched Hanna’s tongue slip between her plump lips. 

“Merry Christmas, Hanna” she husked.

The blonde smiled shyly as she leaned in so their lips brushed lightly against each other once more. “Merry Christmas, love” she whispered, as she closed that final distance separating them and captured Spencer’s lower lip gently between her own.


	5. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long overdue chapter. I was almost tempted to leave things as they were, since by now we are all too sadly faaar from the holidays. Still, I felt like this story needed some sort of closure, so here we are. Thanks everyone for reading! 
> 
> Also, this chapter contains scenes that should make me want to change this story’s rating (and I’m not talking about foul language or depiction of violence, if you know what I mean). I’m too lazy for that, so be advised.

**‘Soul meets soul on lovers’ lips.’ – Percy Bysshe Shelley**

_[Some years later…]_

"Merry Christmas again, Han! Thanks for having us."

She felt the cool, late December breeze ruffle the hem of her burgundy sweater as she stood in the open door, but even the slight chill couldn't make her smile waver as she raised one hand to return the waves from the small group of people moving away from the house and into the winter night.

"Merry Christmas, guys" she called back to their lifelong friends. Her family, really. "Thank you all for coming. Drive safe!"

A few more good wishes for both her and her lover were sent her way as she watched them all get into their respective cars. Judging by the very exuberant and somewhat unsteady wave that Aria gave, it was probably a good thing that the petite novelist started dating a teetotaler.

A slight frown formed on her face: she still had to get used to a completely sober, totally clean Jason. Sure, it has been a long time since he quit drugs and started drinking water – apple cider when he felt like partying wild – instead of Johnny Walker and root beer. Still… the guy had a reputation.                                                                                                                                                           

Then again, good for him. And for Aria, whom lately has been happier than Hanna had ever seen her.

She stayed in the doorway until the last taillight had disappeared around the turn in the forest road, then closed the door with a smile and tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear as she made her way back inside the house. As she passed through the spacious living room, her gaze fell upon the six-foot evergreen that she and Spencer had painstakingly decorated the previous evening, between silly arguments (but the brunette preferred referring to them as ‘differing views’) and make-out sessions that quickly escalated into something more.                                                             

She let a brief chuckle escape.

More often than not, the Christmas trees her dad used to pick when she was still a kid were artificial ones; small and bought with the decorations already added to it. Her parents already had their fair shares of ‘differing views’ enough as it was without adding fuel to any flames and risk setting their house on fire. It is known that people feel especially stressed out around the holidays, after all.                                                                                                                                                                   

But Spencer had, in her usual stubborn manner, decided that if they were going to celebrate this particular holiday, then they were 'gonna do a proper job of it, goddammit'. And even though it was a decidedly troublesome tradition to take an actual pine tree into one's house for the occasion, she really hadn't wanted to refuse the taller woman.

Besides, the sight of one particular alluring brunette prowling around the tree with a scowl of concentration firmly etched on her face as she calculated all the angles for decorating it perfectly had been terribly endearing.

Nothing short of cute, really. Even if her girlfriend was clearly exhibiting a (more than usual) worrisome obsessive-compulsive behavior.                                

She rolled her eyes affectionately and felt her nose crinkle in a grin at the memory as she continued into the dining room and swept her gaze over the table that their little, extended family had been gathered around not that long ago, sharing a tasty dinner that everyone had contributed to, and conversation that had ranged from fond reminiscing to gentle but pointed teasing that had made several of them cry with laughter.

Now though, the table was cleared of dishes and glasses, the surface of it carefully wiped clean and the candles set upon it extinguished. And the most likely source of that was probably also the one responsible for the soft sounds emerging from the nearby kitchen.

Silently, she continued over to that doorway, and paused with one hand on the frame just to take in the sight that met her beyond it.

Spencer was facing away from her as she stood by the sink, softly humming along to the low music that sounded over the lightly sloshing water and the gentle clink of porcelain as she rinsed off the large amount of dishes and stacked them off to one side. The light from the small lamps set under the cabinets above the counter surrounded her body with a golden glow, and painted a shadowy outline around her formfitting grey jeans and navy blue cardigan, the sleeves of which had been folded halfway up her forearms.

As the dark haired woman turned her head to set aside another plate, Hanna could make out the few strands of chestnut silk that had escaped the high ponytail she had tied her hair into earlier, and she spent a few moments admiring the way their color contrasted with the pale skin, and how they served to frame those exquisite features. That delicious, elegant neck.

_Beautiful._

The brunette turned again, and she idly realized that she'd said the word aloud. Not that she regretted doing so, especially not as the corners of chocolate eyes crinkled in a warm smile, even as Spencer's cheeks took on a faint shade of pink.

"Everybody made it out okay?"

"Mm-hmm." The blonde returned the smile and stepped fully into the room, picking up a small towel from the counter and offering it to her lover in exchange for a light kiss. "Leave those for now" she suggested quietly. "I'm sure they'll keep until tomorrow."

"Sure." Spencer let the water drain from the sink as she dried her hands. "I was pretty much done anyway."

"Always so efficient" she teased gently. "You’d make such a good housewife..." Which was true enough. While Hanna herself was still no five-star chef and had set about learning her way around domestic life with her usual brand of pigheaded determination and highly colorful language, and was making slow but certain progress, Spencer had long ago mastered the fine art of housekeeping. Then again, the youngest Hastings has always been a fiercely independent person, despite her upbringing. Or, maybe, precisely as a result of that.

The pale cheeks reddened again, and the blonde got a mildly amused sort of glare in response. "Lucky you, then" her lover easily retorted. "Who knows what kind of wild life you would be leading if not for my phenomenal skills."

"Really now?" Hanna arched an eyebrow challengingly.

"Yup," the brunette continued. “I got chills just thinking about it.”

The half-hidden twinkle in those bottomless brown eyes lured her in with little effort and even less resistance, and Hanna’s palms settled against the thick wool that covered the taller woman's waist. Beneath the material, Spencer's skin was soft and warm to the touch, and she relished the feel of it as she pulled her closer and felt familiar fingers trace gentle patterns on the back of her exposed neck as they indulged themselves in a passionate kiss.

Several long seconds of pleasant exploration later, Spencer opened her eyes to see the light flush that made Hanna's skin glow, and she was fairly certain that her own face was no better off. Honestly, the level of intoxication this woman could stir in her should be a real cause for concern.

Well, if she didn't happen to enjoy it so much.

"C'mon." The brunette took a small step back and caught the smaller woman’s hand, guiding her out of the kitchen and flicking the light switch on the way as she led her back to the living room, where she sat down on the couch and stretched her long legs out along its length before patting the open space between her parted thighs.

"Sit down" she commanded softly. "I haven't been able to hold you for hours."

"Now how," Hanna wondered bemusedly, "do I refuse such a generous request?"

A single, dark eyebrow curved upwards along with one corner of Spencer's mouth. "You don't" was the dry response.

The blonde chuckled and had to acknowledge the simple truth of that as she pleasurably settled back against her lover's chest. Familiar arms wrapped around her waist in a warm, loving embrace, and she sighed in pure contentment and bliss as she pillowed her head on a very nice, sculptured collarbone and felt those few strands of loose, dark hair brush over her forehead.

"Tonight was fun" Spencer commented with a quiet murmur.

“Yeah, it was…" Hanna let her gaze rest on the tree and the colorful, intermitting lights that twinkled in the dark. "We got to do it again next year." Her lips shaped a smile. "Though we could definitely do without Em’s casserole…"

"Hey, c'mon now… It wasn’t _that_ bad!"

“Are you kidding me?!” Hanna exclaimed indignantly, eyes wide and mouth agape. “I’ve faced down death tonight, Spence!”

The brunette could only chuckle at that. “Aw, poor baby” she cooed. Hanna only pouted in response and snuggled further into her girlfriend’s arms.                                                                              

“Go on, laugh at me. See if you’re not going to sleep on this very same couch for the next two weeks.”

Despite herself, another soft laugh escaped the taller woman, but it died soon when a delicate but strong hand pinched her leg abruptly. A low growl sounded into Hanna’s ear, and apparently it was now her turn to giggle at her lover’s expenses. Soon enough the growl trailed off into a soft sigh of exasperation, and one of the arms moved away from the blonde’s stomach.

Briefly, the cushion dipped to one side as Spencer adjusted herself to sit up a little straighter. The arm then came back, and Hanna closed her eyes as she felt her girlfriend's fingers begin to gently play with her own in a series of featherlight caresses.

She smiled at the sensation. Strangely enough, as much as eloquent and outspoken Spencer was, the brunette had never been someone who excelled at expressing herself verbally, not when it came to her feelings. The unexpected boldness of those weird, fateful days during which their friendship transformed  into something more, something they both wanted but were too afraid or in denial to admit, soon wore out, and for a long time their relationship ‘suffered’ a sudden stage of bashfulness.                              

Hanna remembered fondly all those awkward moments made of whispered confessions and trembling touches. With time, the two of them had settled into a more comfortable relationship,  and the blonde had started to notice a delightful tendency towards physical affection in the other woman. Little things at the very beginning, just to be sure: a gentle touch along her arm, the trace of a fingertip over her cheek... gestures like that, all of which had at first been accompanied by furious blushing.                                                                                                                                               

Spencer's many little ways of expressing her love were now accompanied by just the faintest hint of pink covering her cheeks, which was an utterly adorable and terribly sexy sight to behold.

Not that she didn't say the words, because she did, and quite often, too. Even now that Hanna was well past the stage when she needed to be constantly reassured about the brunette’s feelings. But this manner was the one that Spencer was also comfortable using in front of others, and that made it all the more precious.

There were times in the past – although, if she had to be completely honest with herself, it still happened nowadays, albeit not as often as she was used to – that a totally unmotivated terror gripped her heart viciously and squeezed it uncomfortably, tightly, painfully. Times when she was convinced that their little, perfect bubble would burst at any moment and Spencer, for one reason or another, would leave her. There were the times she felt like she couldn’t breathe anymore.

Stupid, ridiculous and unreasonable as it was, those thoughts still lingered somewhere deep down inside her.

Good thing that her lover seemed to have developed a sixth sense for times like these, when her heart was in turmoil, prisoner of its own fears.

Spencer's palms brushed gently over the backs of her hands, and she felt skin curl protectively over her own before tender fingertips coaxed her fingers to full extension. The cheek that rested against her temple grew a little warmer to the touch as her love slowly slid her fingers in between Hanna's own and drew them down, effectively entwining their hands.

And slipping something cool onto one of her fingers in the process.

Her heart skipped a beat for a totally different reason now – her anxieties long forgotten - and she could hear the increase in its mate's pounding under her head as she opened her eyes. The pure, shining sapphire that now rested on her hand sparkled in all its blue glory in the low light, and she felt her breath hitch.

"I had a whole speech planned out" Spencer murmured softly into her ear before she could regain her composure enough to speak. Hard as it was. "I was actually gonna ask you on your birthday, y'know... figured that would be a gift that you'd definitely like."

Mutely, Hanna nodded.

"But then I decided... well, that'd be kinda pretentious of me, wouldn't it? Basically assuming that I was the best gift I could ever give you."

"You are." Somewhere, she found what she needed to whisper those words, even if she was unable to summon the strength to look away from that ring. She was mesmerized by the beauty of the moment.

"I know." Lips pressed against her temple. "But I gave myself to you long ago."

"Spence..." Hanna turned her head and pressed her forehead against the side of her lover's neck, and felt a gentle thumb wipe away the tear that had made its way down her cheek.

"Christmas has a special meaning to us" was the low whisper against the top of her head. "So I thought doing this today would be only fitting." Spencer raised their interlaced fingers, and she felt the tender touch of lips against her skin.

"I know that I told you before that I never wished to get married. That we don’t need a piece of paper to validate our love…” the dark haired woman went on quietly, and Hanna could hear the slight tremor in that husky voice that she adored so much. "But I... I guess I just wanted you to know that you're not gonna... wake up one day and not find me there."

A soft sob slipped past the blonde’s lips, and she felt strong arms assist her as she turned around in her love's embrace and wrapped her arms tightly around Spencer's neck. The chest beneath her own heaved sharply as she pressed her face into a shoulder that smelled like vanilla, and jasmine, and lavender, and that subtle, expensive perfume of hers. And something that was uniquely her.

She smelled like  _home_. Like safety, protection, passion. Like _love_.

"So... all that stuff about sickness and health, richer and poorer..." the brunette's voice was definitely trembling now, but she could tell she was smiling. "That's what I want to be there for. All of it." A gentle hand stroked soothingly along the length of Hanna’s back. "I don't know what life's gonna throw in our faces... haven't got a damn clue... but whatever it is, I want to share it with you."

Briefly, silence reigned in the room.

"So... what do you say?" She felt a kiss against the top of her head. "Even after this crappy proposal, will you marry me?"

Hanna laughed weakly. "Do you really have to ask?"

The body she rested on shook with a short chuckle. "No... maybe I don't" Spencer admitted. "But a girl likes to hear confirmation just as much as she likes to be asked. Right?"

Hanna placed her hands against the cushions and raised herself up, meeting the loving gaze that never failed to set free just about a million butterflies in her stomach from a breath away. She let  herself be enveloped in a golden warmth, bask in the tenderness of its depth.

"Yes."

"Yes?" She watched the extra sparkle of joy come forth in those eyes as she felt hands cup her cheeks ever so gently.

"Yes."

"Just check- mmph."

Sometimes, Hanna reflected as she pressed closer and felt her _fiancée_ ’s soft lips melt into her own, talking really was highly overrated.

Right now all she wanted, all she needed, was to lose herself in her lover; to drown herself in the taste, scent and feel of this marvelous woman who could tear down every single one of her defenses with the shortest of glances and ground her with the simplest of touches. This woman who was the only one who could make her break into a million pieces and then pick up all the pieces and lovingly put her back together again. Not that Spencer would ever do such a thing. Hanna trusted her with her heart – literally.

There was no such thing as too much emotion with Spencer. Never too much. But there was such a thing as  _so much_ , and in this moment, on the couch in their home on Christmas Eve, there was  _so much_  emotion inside her that it felt as if her chest could burst with it. And the taste of both her own and the other's tears as they mingled with their kiss wasn't lessening the amount any.

_‘I love you’_

Hands found skin, and the silky warmness of it seared her palms as she pressed against it. In a swift move the brunette flipped them over and felt the lips that were now situated beneath her own part in a gasp. She took advantage of that, and let her tongue delve into that warm mouth while Hanna's fingers pressed into the back of her head, pulling her closer.

The winter was not so cold anymore. The heat surrounding them was overwhelming and they found themselves horribly overdressed in such circumstances. Suddenly there were too many clothes between the skin of their writhing bodies. That damnable blouse was limiting Spencer’s access entirely too much for her taste, and her hands made short work of its buttons as the sound of their labored breaths filled the silence in the room.

"Hnn..." Hanna moaned into her mouth as she loosened the clasp on the front of her bra and wasted no time in letting her hands lay claim to the supple flesh of her breasts. There was a hint of desperation in her touch, she knew. A need to possess this woman... to make her  _shatter_  so utterly under her hands... make her lose all sense of who she was and know nothing but pure, carnal pleasure.

"Spencer..." The name was a fevered prayer mumbled against warm skin as the brunette laid hot, open-mouthed kisses against the side of her lover's neck, all over her collarbone and down on her bosom. Between panting breaths she felt Hanna’s hands tug firmly at the collar of her cardigan, pulling frantically at the material until her shoulders were partially exposed and the garment was loose enough for those same hands to slip under it and onto her back and cling to it with the implicit promise of never letting go.

Her lips closed around a particularly tempting patch of skin just beneath Hanna’s ear, and she felt the blonde arch her body beneath her as she sucked on it harshly, reveling in the guttural moan her efforts earned her. The finest musician in history couldn't produce sounds sweeter than this... couldn't create music more beautiful than the gasps and sighs that her hands and lips -  _only hers_  - could tear from the very core of Hanna's being.

And God, she was addicted. How could she ever go a day without touching, kissing, tasting this wonderful creature?

Luckily she didn’t have to. Neither one of them had to.                                                                             

They belonged together.

"...ahh... Spen... cer..." Perfectly manicured nails dug into the back of strong shoulders as she pressed a firm leg against the apex of her lover's thighs. "Aah…"

Oh, Hanna could get drunk on this. She could get absolutely intoxicated from the feel of smooth, pale hands that were bringing her so much pleasure; from the display of strength in a body that at the same time was soft and flexible and so alluringly feminine that it made every inch of her itch to  _touch_  it. From the faint tang of salt that met her tongue as she traced it along the length of Spencer's elegant neck.

Too many clothes were still in her way, and she felt something inside her growl in annoyance at the obstruction as she swiftly removed Spencer’s white tank top, and in exchange the brunette batted away the hands that came down and tried to aid her in removing the jeans.

"No." She pressed her forehead against the blonde's and grasped her wrists, settling the hands back on her shoulders. "Like this" she whispered huskily, and watched the brilliant blue eyes of her lover darken as her own hand trailed up her thighs, parting them, and slipped underneath Hanna’s skirt and panties and slowly, agonizingly so, came in contact with neatly trimmed, amazingly soft curls.                                                                                                  

"Just... like this."

Hanna's body squirmed helplessly beneath her, and Spencer watched in fascination her face contort in a snarling groan as she brushed her fingers firmly across the tiny bead of flesh above her opening. Watched the blonde head throw itself back against the arm of the couch as her fingers teased mercilessly her wet folds before finally, finally, entering her.

_Beautiful._

This time it was Spencer to utter the words aloud, and got a sharp gasp in response as she thrust in again and felt the moist jerk of hips against her hand.

Again.

Strands of golden silky hair clung to the sides of Hanna's face and on her forehead.

_Flawless_.

Her skin was flushed with arousal and glistened in the light. Her plump lips were red – _so red_  – and inviting. They parted slightly, and her brow furrowed as though in pain.

Again.

Her eyes were dark, pupils dilated so that only a thin ring of deep blue was visible.

Again.

"... aaahn..."

_Perfect_.

"... hah... Spen-..."

And  _again_.

"... cer!"

Her fingers were trapped as Hanna clamped down on them, seemingly wanting to keep her love inside her forever, and hands buried themselves in her hair as she roughly pulled the brunette close. She drank up the cries as though they were water to a woman dying of thirst; swallowed every single one with her lips as the heat –  _God, such heat_  – pressed against her digits with almost painful force.

_So very, very beautiful_.

_My angel... my eternal love..._

**...                                                                                                                                                                                    …**                                                                                                                                                                                    

Hours later, two extremely satisfied, completely spent, absolutely elated souls were lying down on their bed, locked in an intimate embrace, lost to the world. To everything and everyone else except themselves.                                                                                                                                           

Life had never been that sweet.

Hanna nuzzled lightly her lover’s neck and sighed contently. “Nine years and one day and I still don’t know what I would do without you.”                                                                                             

Spencer tightened her grip on her and placed a soft kiss on her temple. “Nine years and one day you’ll never have to find out.”


End file.
